Sometimes, I’m alone. This is one of those times. I stepped willingly into a situation without knowing what the outcome would be. But now I know. The results are that of a broken heart.
But you want to know something encouraging? Just seconds after he said “I’m sorry, Carly,” and closed the door behind him, God let me know that it’s all for the best. There has been no wrongdoing. We’ve been following our hearts and I don’t regret a single moment we’ve had together.
It seems that this is my outlet of choice and the only way to deal with crying. Of course I’m crying. Just because I know life can only go up from here, I’m still miserable inside. I was in love and much of me still is and from this point on, I have to stop being in love. But I don’t have a clue how long it’s going to take. A while, I suppose.
I’m looking forward to going home. I need to see my parents and hug my brother. I need to call Leah and Ryan and Jets and Steph. I need to eat pepperoni pizza with Amy while watching late night TV. I need to pet my cat.
I feel empty. It’s no one’s fault, but having no one to blame makes it that much harder. I feel genuinely lost, like I don’t know where to go from here. Obviously, I have to go back home. I fly out tomorrow around 2:00 pm. Dad’s picking me up and I’m glad. It’ll feel good to talk to someone who loves me and will no doubt say, “It’s gonna be okay.” Something I really need to hear in the next few days… or weeks…
So here’s to the end of this chapter and the start of another. I have met, I have loved and been loved, and now it’s over. I am stronger and I have done exactly what I’ve set out to do–to live life, to make my own decisions, and to learn from them. And you know what? I’ve stopped crying.
PS. Happy 2nd anniversary to my blog.