This next post is dedicated to Travis. And you will all know why in a few (several) sentences…
I have always felt different. Especially compared to other members of my family. While on the outside, we appear quite similar – outgoing, friendly, aggressive, determined – my internal appearance has always been a substantial contrast.
For instance, my brother Kyle hates being alone. And I don’t think he’d mind me saying this. Because even he knows it. When he’s alone, he becomes devastatingly bored. If he had his way, he would always – ALWAYS – have someone to simply “hang with” at all times.
I, on the other hand, love (adore, long for, crave) my solitude, my private time. I enjoy the night, when all is quiet and my mind is free to roam its many thoughts and I can create in peace.
When in a group, I am that part of myself which is loud, talkative, and socialable. Everyone will tell you that I can tell a great story or two. But there is another part of me that enjoys being alone just as much.
Now how does someone such as myself go about finding a man who is not only compatible with me, but also right for me? Not right for you… Right for me.
Because within my bursting, slightly-rambunctious, laughing exterior is an observer who obsesses over detail and simply loves to shut up and listen. I am one big fat human complexity with two opposing sides, and most have only taken the time to stare at my surface.
And that is why when Andy took me to dinner one night and said to me, “You know why I think you get full so fast at restaurants? I think it’s because you drink about two or three full glasses of pop before our meal even reaches the table. I noticed that about you,” I knew I had found someone much different than anyone I’ve met in the past. He noticed me. He observed me. He watched me. And he saw me…
There is more to this man than anyone can see in the first two or three times you meet him and unfortunately, doesn’t give much room for people to form an opinion. He is not shy, but rather has fewer words to say. He is not artistic, but appreciates it as much as I do. He worries, but I stress. He listens, I vocalize. He has brown eyes, I have blue.
Yet questions linger over our heads and skepticism is thrown at me in heaps. I feel weighed down by those who lack confidence in me. I could say that I don’t care what others think, but that would be a lie. But what I want them to think and how they really think cannot compromise.
But amidst this discouragement, there has been a moment of uplifting, a sort of burst of sunshine. Travis, who went to Poland nearly a year ago on a mission, said something to me (over Messenger) that pasted a smile on my face the whole day. And that was something to the following affect:
I have been praying for you and Andy every day. I feel absolutely at peace about it. I feel like I already know him somehow… And I don’t usually feel that way about guys involved with my female friends, but there’s something different about this. And you have my blessing.
And I feel blessed.