As we approach the automatic sliding doors, a guy approaches us carrying a back pack and dressing as a college student. He could not have been more than 22 years old.
“Excuse me, can I talk to you a minute? Don’t worry–I’m not crazy.”
“Um, sure. Ok.”
“First of all–Do either of you wear perfume or cologne?”
… Do I still have the chance to avoid this conversation? Can I? Should I try?
“Oh… Well, let me tell you about this amazing product!” From his sack, he pulls out a very nice looking bottle of smelly stuff, looking very similar to that of a bottle of smelly stuff one might fight in the smelly section of Nordstrom’s. “This is ‘Sex in a Bottle!'”
What-what in a what-what?
“‘Sex in a Bottle.’ The only proven formula to actually work with your body’s naturally produced chemicals to produce more pheremones when you’re around the opposite sex. This causes them to be more attracted to you!” He says this with way too much excitement in his voice.
Meanwhile, Kyle looks puzzled and whispers in my ear, “I didn’t know you could bottle sex…”
“Look, I’m allergic to most perfumes like that. I don’t think so.”
“But ‘Sex in a Bottle’ is hypo-allergenic! It won’t produce any kind of hives at all! You’re perfectly safe!”
I look at him blankly. There is no way out.
“Go ahead. Just give it a shot. Just try it. Try it. I promise. It’ll work. Try it. Try it.”
Try it. Try it. Try it. Try it. He says “try it” in as many different forms as he knows how.
“Fine.” I take the Sex in a Bottle and I spray the sex onto my wrist. I rub my wrists together, handed the Sex back to the freaky, freaky little man and quickly state, “We’ll think about it.”
Kyle and I rush into the store. There is a moment of silence between us. Suddenly, softly, Kyle’s break out in song, “I’m a survivor. I’m not gonna give up. Gonna work harder. I’m a survivor…”