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I’m so ridiculously sick, I cannot remember the last time I was this sick.

Last night was one of those roll-over nights. Sleeping on my stomach isn’t good–roll over. Sleeping on my right side isn’t good–roll over. Left side, no good–roll over. My back–roll over. I got too hot and through off my blankets. I quickly became too cold, and I gathered them back.

C’mon you no good, piece-of-junk, good-for-nothing, lazy, worthless body of mine! Make up your freakin’ mind!!!

At this point, you may have concluded how delirious I really am.

I’ve just called Sarah in hopes to ask her a generous favor. My brain is too diluded to go driving, otherwise I would go to the grocery store myself. But right now, the only things that will make me feel somewhat better (physically, anyway) is a brimming bowl of chicken-noodle soup and a tall glass of cherry 7-up.

She’s not picking up…

…help me.