I find myself battling the normal life. Anything stereotypical becomes something I fight against. Maybe I’m selfish and maybe it doesn’t matter, but quite frankly, I’d like to be remembered after I’m gone. Namely, I think of people like CS Lewis or Robert Frost or Leonardo DiVinci and how “ahead of their time” they really were. They went against the grain; they swam upstream; they chose to be square pegs. Funny that Frost and DiVinci were both schizophrenics… Nonetheless, even though I lack the mental disorder, I’d still like to reach that same level.
CS Lewis has said some of the most profound, wonderful things. He’s one of the few in this world who make me say to myself consistently, “Why can’t I think of something so revolutionary? Why can’t I say something like that? Something no one has ever said before?”
It’s an overwhelming and overpowering desire to leave some sort of divet in the existence of humankind. Something that dwells in my fingers and in my thoughts. The faces of people who I’ve made laugh or people I’ve made cry. I can honestly say they are the drive, the inspiration, the passion behind whatever it is I want. My reasons for wanting to be something besides a housewife.