Jason Kill on the subject of depression:
Depression is a nagging, lying whisper that robs you of your ability to recognize beauty and truth. Both of which are right there, always there, even in the dismal poetry of your comment. As long as you withold your name, you will feel like a vapor dissipating in the corner of a room somewhere. It is your choice whether or not you want to fade away. No one can pull you out. It is your decision alone.
Jason‘s words are the thoughts I’ve been having for the last two weeks. I can think of five people who live in a constant dreary state of mind. Two of which I have talked to and certain phrases echo in my ears. Such as “I don’t know why I feel this way,” “No one understands,” “I feel invisible,” “People don’t care,” “I can’t help the way I feel,” and “I can’t change who I am.”
I cannot help thinking of John Cusack as “Lloyd Dobler” in the great movie Say Anything. He delivers a line that floored me the first time I heard it. Addressing his very bitter single sister, he says, “Why can’t you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?” I mean, really!
I feel there is a difference between someone who is genuinely sad and someone who is starved for attention. I also think there are those who exist somewhere in-between, where the reason they are truly sad is because of lack of attention from certain individuals. That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with having emotions or hurt feelings, but I do see harm in non-action; when someone waits for something good, great, or miraculous to happen to them. But when it doesn’t happen, who’s fault is it? It’s no one’s. There is no one that is supposed to come to your rescue and no one who should “just know” that you’re hurting and go out of his or her way to heal your emotional wounds. That isn’t how the world works. There’s you and there’s God and your pursuit of that relationship will determine your joy. You can change and life can feel magnificently beautiful, no matter what your situation. You just have to try.
I have made the conscious choice and effort to see the “bright side” of the situation. I have decided to see that there still is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There are moments when I choose to be a cynic, but that’s a choice I know I’ve made. Just like when I choose to be an optimist. They’re both choices, they’re both the same. And people will disagree and convince themselves that their sadness or depression is the fault of the world around them and “like a vapor dissipating in the corner of a room somewhere,” they will have done nothing to change their circumstances.
Do not let your self get in your way of things that will make you smile and laugh and see the beauty in everyone’s eyes. Smile and people will see the face of God. You will shine. Just how hard is it, really? And if you’re reading this and thinking, I don’t even know where to begin to start feeling happy. How can I just start feeling happy this minute? The answer is simple: Force a smile. As hard as it is, just do it. Once you start, you might even have a hard time stopping. You only have to decide.
