I hate the fact that because I’ve been screwed over relationally in the past, it’s my own abilities that people no longer trust. I have been taken out, lead on, lied to, and left by a handful of male individuals, yet people who are close to me feel that it’s due to how I am “attracted” to the wrong type of person and I should “learn” how to sort the good guys from all those nasty ones.
Was it my fault that he put on his best smile and laughed at all my jokes? Was it my fault that he failed to tell me that he had a girlfriend? Am I to blame for his false genuinity?
Every human being who possesses even the slighest bit of intelligence is going to do his or her best to make sure their better qualities are the first that you see. However, the key is consistency. If they’re happy one week, but depressed for three, you simply have to wonder who it is you’re involved with.
I have decided that someone who can be consistent for more than a week has a solid grasp on who they are (in the world, in their life, in God) as an individual. We’re young, we’re spirited, we’ve got a hell of a lot to learn, but when we realize we don’t need to prove ourselves or hold our lives up in comparison to others, that is when who we truly are shines.
I have been interested in many guys. I have fallen for them time and time again, only to be left alone with one question in mind, “Why did they change?” Somewhere amidst the flirting and bonding and blatent affection, a thought crosses his mind and forces him to a complete stop. What was it? I’m fairly sure it was I don’t think I really like her. And he proceeds to prove himself a jackass.
The fact that only one out of every 50 men is a true gentleman is not my fault! It isn’t my fault that I have met a room full of jerks and only a handful of nice guys! I am not to blame for someone’s lack of self or split-personality disorder!
You look and look and look and search your whole life for someone who is going to be true to you from start to finish, but it all has to begin with looking. It is like searching for treasure without a map. You have to follow your heart. You have to fail. But then, you have to keep on going. You go until you find it. And you never give up.
So stop your bitching and let go of the number of times my heart has been broken. I am a big girl. I have lived independently for one year now and I have survived and triumphed over and over again. Just because the last few guys I’ve been interested in have treated me poorly, doesn’t mean I am incapable of finding someone who won’t do the same. I am intelligent and I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve. Logic and reason are key notes to my personality–It’s about time you realized it already.