In the last 30 minutes, I have visited a mere five months of the archives for this blog. I am surprised–nay!–stunned to realize how much I have changed since November of 2001. This whole ridiculous blog documents my transition from late-adolesence to mild-adulthood, which apparently is still transpiring.
I don’t know who reads this because hardly anyone comments and that’s alright with me. Because my only motive from the very beginning of this was simply to write out my thoughts and if someone were to enjoy them, right on. Great. The fact of the matter is that between November of 2001 and July of 2004 is a healthy chunk of time.
The early days contain horrible things. Things I wish I could erase, but won’t, because I refuse to be dishonest with you or with myself. The truth is that the following sentence really does exist somewhere in the archives of this blog:
If I could take it back, I would! Particularly the “awesomest” part. Augh… So much of me was putting on a show during that time in my life and I’ll admit it here and now. Which might even surprise you, because I didn’t even know a commenting system existed at that point. I didn’t discover comments until October of 2002! Well over a year after I started this stupid thing.
My enthusiasm to talk or write about my faith has greatly decreased. Especially in the last year since moving out and having been to church a grand total of four times in a 12-month period. If my Current Self were to have a discussion with my 17-year-old Self and if my Current Self were to jokingly use the word “ass” (let alone “bastard”, “shit”, “hell”, or “boob”!), my 17-year-old Self would probably roll her eyes and say “You don’t have to use the word ‘ass’.”
But I still love God. And He most certainly loves me. And I tell myself this fact every – single – day.
So my posts have lacked in creativity as of late. Perhaps they’ve lost your interest. That’s probably because in this place and under these present circumstances, I have lost interest myself. And despite how much I try to intrigue you, I seem to be failing. Although, I don’t beat myself up too much about it.
Didn’t Jason Killingsworth start his blog so he could meet chicks? At least my original intent was noble! And if it wasn’t noble, at least it was normal!
I could never write for the sake of others. That just isn’t me.