I don’t know what happened in the last two weeks, but I’ve been “in the mood” to paint lately. This is a big deal because I haven’t really painted anything or felt confident enough to paint in a very long time. The other night, George asked me to play my guitar because he hasn’t heard me play in eons, but when I tried to play, I quickly sensed I didn’t have George’s interest. Of course, he didn’t mean anything negative by it, but I still took it personally and I put the guitar away. When he asked me what was wrong, I broke down a bit and told him how important things like playing the guitar and painting are to me but the last two years stole a lot of my self worth, so if I do either of those things, it’s a really big deal!
It’s a really big deal… So even though I haven’t been playing music lately, the fact that I’m painting at all means I’m going in the right direction. The window painting pictured is the latest thing I’ve done, but there are a couple more posted to Flickr as well.
Quite frankly, I don’t know if I’m any good. I’m not confident in my “gift” as an artist, especially when I see artwork by someone else that blows my mind. However, I do enjoy painting and I hope I’m good enough that people would actually want to buy something from me. I like using brighter colors and I use a more simplistic style, but it’s my style and for the most part, I like it.
Eventually, I hope I’m inspired to pick up my guitar again, to write some new songs and to even sing a little. These things are a huge part of who I am and I refuse to give in to whatever this is I’m suffering from (most likely a lack of self esteem).
Oh yeah. And go see The Dark Knight. Heath deserves an Oscar. No doubt.
